


The walls have ears

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: F/M, Kinda Fluff Kinda Angst, TW for talk about death, mostly just a classic office shenanigans fic, the dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25400764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: The office has to be careful what they’re talking about when they’re in range of Mr Davidson
Relationships: Paul Matthews/ Emma Perkins
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	The walls have ears

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic from the drafts I’m cleaning out but at least this was a 2020 one

“Hey Ted?” Melissa put down her drink bottle for a moment, glancing up at him. 

“What’s up?” He was scrolling absently through his phone, leant up against her desk as they ate their lunches. 

“What if I die before I kiss a girl?” 

“Well then it’d suck to be you, I guess,” he snorted. “I kiss girls all the time.” 

She rolled her eyes with a scoff. “As if. No you don’t, shut up.”

He nodded. “Yeah I do, at least seven different girls,” he held up his fingers to make his point, dropping his phone on her table. 

“I don’t believe you,” Melissa huffed, crossing her arms. 

Ted let out a loud laugh, “hah! Imagine not kissing girls!” He turned to the office like he was about to announce it, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

“Stop!” She leapt up from her chair to grab onto his arm. “Shut up I’ll cry!”

“Cry then, bottom,” he shot her an evil look, his grin wide and teasing. 

Melissa’s face reddened and she swung a mostly mock punch at his back. “Oh shut up!” 

“So what,” he leant his elbows back on her desk. “Have you never kissed anyone before? How old are you?” 

“Hey, mind your own business. Some people are just not all that romantic! If you’re gonna bully me today I’m gonna go hang out with the other guys,” she picked up her water bottle, storming off. 

“Oh come back,” Ted followed after her. “You’re so easy to bully, like, where’s your lunch?” 

“Stop following me! Someone ate it, even though I had my name on it,” she grumbled, pushing open the door to the IT office. “I’m coming to hang out with you guys because Ted’s being a bully,” she pouted. 

Emma, who was neatly nestled in Paul’s lap snorted. “What’s he bullying you for?” 

“I was worried I wouldn’t kiss a girl before I die, and he’s beating me up about it!” She looked upset that she too could not be sitting in someone’s lap right now. 

“I think that’s a very reasonable cause to bully her,” Ted defended himself. 

“Oh, I’ve already done everything I wanna do before I die,” Emma began. “I’m gonna get cremated, I want my ashes spread in Guatemala.” 

“What?” Paul spoke up, shifting so Emma could look him in the eye. “I thought we were gonna be buried together. Like, together forever right?” 

Emma shook her head. “Till death do us part, bro. Then I’m free to do my own thing again right?” 

Paul frowned. 

“Fine. Some of my ashes can be sprinkled over your grave,” she acquiesced. “Because I’m such a generous kid,” she stretched her neck to give him a quick kiss.

“Well, I don’t really think about what I’ll do when I die,” Bill winced. “Not yet anyways.”

“You won’t do anything, Bill. You’ll be dead,” Ted pointed out, buckling up for more of Emma and his coworker’s idiot thoughts.

“Sam and I are both invested in funeral insurance. Just in case,” Charlotte added. 

Ted rolled his head back. “Yeah. Just in case something happens. You can call that something ‘Sam’ if you want.” 

“Ted!” Everyone chided almost at once. 

Melissa let out a loud whine. “Why are we talking about mortality? I just want to kiss a girl. I just want a girlfriend to kiss,” she restated. 

“I like kissing my girlfriend,” Paul added. 

“Sap,” Emma quipped, but she gave him another kiss anyways, her cheeks dusted red.

“Don’t say that too loudly or you’ll summon the king,” Ted lowered his voice right down to a precautionary whisper. The king of loving his partner - Mr Davidson. And then no one would have a chance at talking at all. 

“That’s it. I can’t hang out anywhere. Am I the only one here who hasn’t kissed a girl? Charlotte, even you?” 

Charlotte gave a timid nod. 

“Where are you finding all these girls!?” She scowled, storming out, probably to get away from him. 

“She’s angry because she hasn’t had her lunch,” Ted filled in the gaps for them all. He didn’t really want to bully her, sometimes it was just too easy. “Anyways. Let’s hook her up with someone,” he proposed.

“Perhaps you should stay out of her business, Ted,” Bill countered instead. 

“Yeah, do you even know anyone like that?” Emma asked, her hands fiddling with Paul’s tie.

He scoffed. “Sure, absolutely! Tons of girls, loads! Like, like-“ fortunately he was saved by the bell as two sets of footsteps came down the hallway, and in marched Mr Davidson walking Melissa back in with his big hand on her shoulder like he had just caught her doing something devious. 

“I heard we were having a very interesting discussion in here,” he announced his entrance like they all hadn’t just seen him walk in. “IT, you three aren’t supposed to be on break yet are you?” He pointed out. “Oh and hi Ted.”

“That’s my fault, sir,” Melissa confessed. “I interrupted.”

“No, no. There are plenty of more important things than work, I hear we were talking about love in here!” He patted her shoulder like he was encouraging her into a seat, but there were no seats where she was standing so she just sat on the floor.

“I thought we were talking about death,” Emma asked, looking between her friends. “Death?” She repeated, waiting for someone to confirm it.

“No, why would you talk about that?” Mr Davidson enquired. “I hear poor Melissa isn’t having luck with love lately.”

“Lately as in forever,” Ted snorted.

“Please stop,” Melissa covered her red cheeks with her hands. “This shouldn’t be so big an issue I’m shutting up now. I regret it.”

Ted rolled his eyes, rubbing his nose. “Wish you could’ve regret it before you spoke.” Now they were all in the Mr Davidson love ramble together.   
No one was smiling, naturally at least. 

“Now, love doesn’t come easily for everyone okay?” He started off sagely. “Not everyone is actively searching for someone to kiss okay Ted? There is no need to make fun of Melissa like that.”

“Oh my god,” Melissa sunk her head into her hands. 

“Hey Mr Davidson, what will you do when you die?” Ted interrupted impatiently, leaning his back on Charlotte’s desk.

“Yeah, what are you gonna do?” Emma echoed.

He blinked at her like he had only just noticed she was there. She waved, he waved back. “What will I do?”

“Yeah, like, do you have funeral insurance?” Ted prompted.

“Well why do you want to talk about death?” His voice wavered slightly in shock.

Charlotte tilted her head. “Oh well that was just what we were discussing today.”

“What we think will happen when we die,” Bill added. “More literally, funerals you know? Not beliefs,” he cleared up. “I want to handle it all before that time, I wouldn’t want Alice dealing with it.”

He played with the ring on his finger, gulping. “Well, oh, that’s a bit grim don’t you think? No one has fun talking about death.”

“Emma’s gonna get cremated,” Ted cut in. “I’m gonna have an open casket so people know I’m like, not one of those ugly corpses. I wanna die young.”

“Gotta be a sexy corpse. Priorities,” Emma clicked a finger at him. “What is your ideal way to go out?” She went on. “I have a gut feeling I’m gonna be murdered. I just hope the murderer does something creative you know? I want a documentary.”

“Blunt force trauma,” Melissa answered too quickly. “I think it would hurt less than being like stabbed or shot.”

Ted scratched his chin. “Oh, I totally wanna go out in a blaze. I want the honour.”

“You guys think about this?” Mr Davidson gave a shake of his head. “Why do you have this planned? Why do you think about death so often?” 

“Yes even that was a little too much I think,” Bill cooled them all down. 

“Paul what about you?” Emma asked.

“I don’t think I want to answer that,” he tugged at his collar, a little fidgety. 

“I’ve never thought about this sort of thing in my life!” Bill exclaimed. “How I might die but not how I want to die.”

“Wait, I’ve thought about it,” Paul suddenly gasped. “I want to die exactly like in that movie I was showing you last night Emma,” he tapped her back. “If I have to die I don’t want it to hurt.”

Charlotte cleared her throat. “Alright, alright. I think we’re straying a little bit,” she pursed her lips shut, her eyes flicking to Mr Davidson who was gripping his coffee cup hard, his knuckles white. He was chewing on his lips, his other hand running over his beard. 

“Oh,” Ted whispered, lowering his voice right down. “What do you guys think happens after death?” He tried to change it to something a little bit less violent. 

“Oh well you go to heaven I would hope,” Charlotte answered, blinking. “What do you think it’s like up there?”

“Whatever you’d want it to be,” Bill replied thoughtfully. “I’d like to spend all of my afterlife with my family up where they used to take me camping as a boy.”

“I wanna be a ghost,” Melissa spoke up. “If I’m not a ghost I don’t even wanna die, and that’s final.”

“Oh that’s a good one!” Emma agreed. “Me too! I wanna haunt assholes and five loner kids advice and stuff.”

Paul scoffed. “I don’t think ghosts are real, Em.” 

“Oh well it’s more interesting than reincarnating!” She shot back, it sounded like they had spoken about it before. “I don’t wanna be a human and then go be an ant or a mouse or something!”

“You’re the scientist in the making Em! I think your cells becoming something else make more sense than your soul doing whatever.” Maybe they had this discussion a lot.

“When you die you die,” Ted gave his answer. He was more a man of science about this sort of stuff. Sure, he could believe in ghosts but he just didn’t think he would be one. He couldn’t imagine it. In his head, ghosts were all elderly Victorian era pricks who make the doors creak and the lights flicker. “It’s the circle of life, baby.”

“Hm,” Mr Davidson almost sounded like he had an answer, but now he was just standing there gritting his teeth and burning holes into the floor with his gaze.

All five employees and Emma shut their mouths, and their boss didn’t even seem to notice that the room had fallen silent. 

“Uh, Mr Davidson?” Paul spoke up in a gentle voice. “What are you doing that for?”

“Are you okay sir?” Charlotte frowned. 

Mr Davidson looked up, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “Oh I just think there’s no point in thinking about death until you need to. Why do you have to talk about it at work?”

Emma’s skin flushed red, clearly not feeling clever about bringing it up anymore even if she was just joking. “Oh yeah,” she made the effort to agree. 

But he was still quiet, just sort of lingering there in the doorway, confused and borderline distraught. “Mr Davidson?” Paul tried again.

“Mmm,” he hummed, not quite present.

“We can, we can change the topic,” Charlotte assured him, but his eyes didn’t come back, they stayed on his ring, his thumb running over it. 

“Oh good going Emma, you broke him!” Ted clapped a hand to his side. “Now he’s gonna be in a bad mood all day!” 

“Hey! That’s not my fault! You were the one who started it!” She snapped, getting off Paul’s lap so she wasn’t shouting in his ear. 

“Well you were the one who kept asking questions!”

“Because that’s what we were talking about! How was I supposed to know? Did you?” She pointed an accusing finger. 

He scowled. “Your murder talk was what frightened him!”

“Guys, don’t shout,” Paul tried to tell them. “You’re being too loud! That isn’t helping anyone!”

“Let’s just agree that we have to stop talking about it!” Charlotte offered, standing up besides Emma. 

“And we don’t have to argue either,” Bill chimed in, trying to bring some peace  
back to the room by joining her. 

“Well I don’t know why Ted was so fast to shove the blame onto me, Paul!” Emma turned to him. “We were all talking about it!”

“Well you could just apologise to the man!” Ted spat.

“Ted, don’t be so mean to her!” Charlotte chided.

Paul stood up too now that he and Melissa were the only ones sitting. “Guys!”

They were all yelling over each other now, but Mr Davidson was quiet, pensive almost despite the cacophony of voices and all the different arguments clashing on top of each other, fighting for a point to be heard or for a second of silence. And he was just staring into his coffee. Well, if Emma hadn’t started it! She should just shut up now! She was clearly traumatising the poor man and she still would not back down. It was obviously her fault! Ted was only going with the flow of the talk so it was ridiculous any of them were trying to pin it on him. 

“Just apologise and this is over with!”

“No you-“ she tried to cut in, but he just raised his voice.

“You just have to say sorry and admit you started it, no, no, stop trying to talk over me I’m not finished!”

“Well you won’t let me start! You are impossible to argue with because you can’t admit that you’re ever wrong!”

“Hey guys!” Melissa suddenly spoke up, an awkward sort of break to her voice. She cleared her throat, her jaw tense when everyone turned to stare at her, their sentences breaking off mid-ramble.   
“So, I really want a girlfriend,” she started, roughly and unplanned like she wasn’t thinking ahead. 

“Oh to uh,” Mr Davidson sniffed, looking up ever so slightly to address her as he spoke. “To be buried with?”

“No, to kiss. We were talking about love, remember? Not death.” Her whole face was red but god was the woman a soldier. Ted had to laugh.

“Oh, yes we were weren’t we?” He shook his head, pressing his fingers to his temple in an attempt to return to the there and then. 

“Mhm,” she nodded like her neck was a bad hinge. 

“Oh I must’ve been distracted! Tell me more, what were we saying about that again?” 

“I’ve literally never kissed a girl before, mhm,” she nodded, drawing a cross through the air with the swipes of her hands. “Never. What advice would you have about that sir? I bet you are very good with it. You were going to tell me something.”

He perked up now, straightening his back. “Oh well! Did you want to know?” He took her by the shoulder again. “I think I might actually know just the thing for you!”

“Oh, that’s so great,” her enthusiasm was a forgery not even an expert could master, and yet all too transparent. “Why don’t you tell me about it up at my desk so I can let these guys get back to work huh?” 

“Oh that’s lovely, come with me Melissa, we’ve got a lot to talk about,” he turned her around to walk her out the door. “It’s okay to never have kissed anyone before,” he was starting as he dragged her back out to the main floor, his voice still audible if muffled all the way to the end of the corridor.

“She’s so brave,” Emma broke the silence, a hand to her open mouth. 

“An absolute soldier of a girl,” Paul sat back down, patting a hand to his lap so Emma would take her seat again. 

“Oh I don’t think we’ll ever see her again,” even Charlotte had to admit. “He’s never going to get to the end of that advice.”

“We have lost another brave warrior,” even Ted had to feel sorry for her after all that. “What a sacrifice.” 

“Oh,” Bill sunk back into his seat. “She really took one for the team.” Now the room was just a little too quiet. 

Everyone was still in their seats and Ted was still just standing there and no one had anything else to say, really. 

“Ted, don’t you have somewhere to be?” Emma asked.

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to work?” He countered. He was still technically on break for two more minutes according to his watch, but hey, he didn’t think Mr Davidson would notice the difference.


End file.
